Ever find yourself desperate for a life in which you feel like you deserve to fit into? Do you think that if you find a group of people you want to be defined as someone important to them? Or are you someone who doesn’t care about these sort of things and just gets on with their day to day chores in life?
Well – I would like to be all three.
In Birmingham I feel like I fit in somewhere but I always have that one undeniable doubt in my mind that I don’t fit in or that I don’t portray the right personality that would suit the people I am with. I find myself getting easily annoyed but minor things that shouldn’t really effect me but do. I guess I am a man in need of a perfect situation in my living quaters. I like to imagine myself as being a better person or doing the things I want to do more regularly.
This rambled mess doesn’t really make sense to me so I shouldn’t expect it to make sense to you reader, but all I ask is that for one week things can go like my dreams and my imagination. If not, I can always keep hoping.
I half wrote this blog in a frustrated and contemplative mood and whilst typing I came to the realisation that last night things became a little easier and a little closer within my flat. For the first time since we all moved in we sat around the table and all talked as a group, something which I was waiting to experience. Later the next day there were discussions from room to room about work and lectures (etc) which made me SO Happy. “Why?” you ask, because it gave me the opportunity to see what things will be like in a few weeks. A group of friends all talking and helping each other with work, doors wide open and everyone getting to know each other fully.
What an experience.
Wow – super long blog here but I keep thinking of things to write. In terms of fitting in – I was crapping myself (pardon my french) before I moved here because of the exact fear that I wouldn’t fit in. As I have now been here for a month I know I fit in but I need to be happier and a pro active version of myself to make sure I maintain and improve the friendships I have gained here, by texting more, calling, chatting and basically being the social whore I want to become. Self improvement isn’t a reflection on myself, but more a contemplative look about what I want to become by being myself, no one wants to change who they are right?
I think I have bored you all (like anyone reads this piece of
shit blog anyway) enough and I bit you adeiu.