Today is a good day in the sense that searching for a house for next year is no longer an issue. Today is a frustrating day in the sense that everyone in the flat has been busy doing their own things and I have been a little lifeless and tired after being woken up last night with activity in the kitchen. What I find to be strange is how weird Sunday’s feel to me these days. Since coming to Uni, I no longer feel like I should be obligated to do anything interesting on Sunday’s, yet I feel like I should. I don’t know how to explain it, Sunday’s used to be a day of relaxing or whatever but this is a new level of relaxing. I look at the clock more and more it’s like, another week ahead, another week until I go home.
In all honesty, I am only partially excited about going home, I have things to do when I get there, like sort my room back out so it is my room again, but also catch up with people and whatnot. I feel like going home will be an odd experience as I have only been back for a max of 6 days since being at Uni. 6 Days in 3 months is pretty weird. I am excited at seeing P for the whole three weeks and christmas, I am more excited about my birthday and finally being able to spend the whole day doing stuff I want to do, instead of just heading off to work. A gathering will follow, maybe not a full blown party, but maybe a takeaway and a chilled atmosphere with some music and people chatting in groups and mingling.
We shall see what the next two weeks bring for me as I prepare to get xmas ready!
I have said over the past few weeks I plan to do this and this and this “tomorrow”. Tomorrow never happens and it’s a shame because I really need to sort things out. Not only do I need to make sure I do some work and organise myself, but I also need to focus on things, get this mess of a flat clean, do something productive and make this a better experience. Don’t get me wrong, but things are going SO well here, but I can’t deal with how bad the Kitchen get’s in my flat, it really gets me down when it’s a mess, because then it feels hard to relax in there. I went to Adam’s earlier and it was immaculate, when he cleaned it looked and felt good because it looked clean and it automatically made the room better. I know I am probably talking a load of bullshit here but it really is becoming frustrating and it is hard to live in. What else do I plan to do tomorrow? Expand my social horizon and vlog again. I want to be able to take what I did with my blog yesterday and be able to freely express myself when talking. So tomorrow I am going to vlog about what is currently happening to Call of Duty, not only as a franchise but the public backlash around it, it may go horribly wrong, it may not.
We shall see what happens but I am going to need everyone’s continued support and persistence to push me through my laziness. It’s becoming an issue.
Today I had this sudden wave of feeling that I had officially settled. This came after me realising that in a way I am not excited about going back to Northampton because I am so settled in here. I think about things like “It’s a shame I am going back this weekend, I brought some nice food to have and it will probably go off”. I know I don’t have to go home but I miss my friends there, plus the added bonus that P will be there this weekend makes thing’s a lot easier. I was walking back from town twice today, once with friends from my course and the other by myself with shopping in hand. This is – like so many of lifes little odd situations, a little tap on my shoulder to say “YOU LIVE HERE!”. I realised that if I was to go town by myself, like I used to do back home, I would feel more settled. Hell, just a year earlier I was telling people to walk around and get lost, mainly so that when they found their way back home they would feel more comfortable in their surroundings.
I have also become a little more sociable recently, by stopping and talking to people in the street I know and basically being able to be blunt about my opinion in my classic style. Why at such odd moments do we think of these type of things, is it fate?
There are several versions of Ryan that people see, you have the constantly nice Ryan (which only really the GF sees), you have the nervous worrier Ryan, you have the drunk Ryan and you have the normal me. I seem to bounce from version to version constantly. I usually do this in situations I can’t control, like the Drunk me. Now I wouldn’t like to think that I am being arrogant when I say this, but I find myself to be humorous some of the time. I love to make people laugh, and myself in doing so. I don’t seem to have any shame when drinking and cracking jokes. I would love to have the confidence to be like a stand up comic and try and crack jokes, even when it is a weekly trip to the pub.
Everyone’s favorite version of me is my drunk side, for the exact reason above, I don’t seem to worry, I don’t hold back and I can completly completely be who I want to be when I am tipsy/drunk. This makes me so happy, but I wish I could do it when I am sober.
I mean, I love being each version of myself, even the worrier, because it gives me perspective and gives me an opportunity to make the right decision for me.
The title of this blog – its actually a good thing. I didn’t pull an all nighter or anything like that, I worked hard from like 9 till 12 last night. “Ryan – that’s not that good.” For a Uni student, even doing work past 5 is a chore!
The point I am trying to make is that I was up late last night, but I was encouraged by the work I was doing, this partnered with a sense of importance and impact on some social network sites last night, I felt so good about myself.
This is a two in one combo deal for you readers as I really don’t feel the need to rant and rave on two separate posts.
First of all I had some very shocking and upsetting news Saturday morning. BabyXbox (Xbox 2) was stolen from my flat late that morning. The circumstances of the theft are too long to go into but let’s say people, including myself, were careless. Now don’t get me wrong, I loved and cherished that like it was a child and I will forever be annoyed for the night and making the wrong decision about where I was moving it etc. Fact is, it has taught me something and it is part of life. Crime and scum are in this world and we need to be aware of this. I have never really been a victim of crime, but it hurt me to know someone would do something like that. However, I feel that things are getting better and if the insurance pays out, I can get back on with things and forget the ordeal. Enough of that though;
Now that it’s November, hard decisions need to be made soon. The hard decision would be about who I would live next year. In a way I am annoyed people have said they want to live with me, because the decisions and the choices are too much. It’s like we have cliques and it’s going to be hard to split them/expand them for when we have to choose who to live with. For example, I said it would be a good idea when it was suggested to me to live with 3 other people. (Names not disclosed). One of the people I am dead set on wanting to live with, because they are such a lovely person and I know I could trust them. However, it is like they are a three and I would be an extra wheel on the machine that was their ride. I don’t feel like I am close enough to the other two to warrant wanting to live with them next year.
Why can’t things ever be simple?
The one person I want to live with is in Leicester and I have to wait to live with her, but when it happens, it…will….be…amazing.
The concept of social media taking over is clear within my life. I have twitter, I have facebook, I have google plus, I have this, I have tumblr and I am sure I have others around too. The point of this is to help me push my personality and be able to be known by many people. I know this blog has like no readers (not one’s that like to comment anyway) but I feel like I do have things to offer people if they were looking for something funny or commentary on aspects of news/interesting tid-bits. I feel so insignificant in the social world because I don’t have an impact on anyone’s lives.
I have been listening to this song on repeat today because of the beat more than the lyrics. It’s just like Written in the Stars in the way it promotes time to think during the song. I know that sounds really stupid but hear me out. <Prepare for a wrestling analogy> Wrestlemania 27, Written in the Stars was the major theme, launching his career in America effectively. The song and it’s meaning meant so much for the moment, and this Wonderman song is a perfect song to recap someone’s life. I know this whole short blog makes no sense but listen to the song, and tell me what you think!
Let me say this straight away, I really like a majority of my course right now. I have found a couple of people I really get on well with and we recently did a presentation that went well. However, there are two modules which seem ‘misdirected’.
Misdirected – The term used to describe the teaching style of two of my lecturers at BCU right now.
What has been happening is that my Data Analysis lecturer basically works at 100 miles an hour, which is fine for people who have been doing maths in the past year. What this guy doesn’t understand is that some of us haven’t done it recently (three years for example) and so when we can’t get a logical answer within his allotted two seconds then he moans we don’t participate in a “raising of the hands” bulls**t which he employs to “gauge the ability of the group”. IF PEOPLE DON’T PARTICIPATE IT MEANS THAT THEY DON’T KNOW THE ANSWER YET! He coined this beauty yesterday “I don’t want you in my class if you don’t participate”. What an arse. I mean REALLY, REALLY? He expects us (in the fourth week) to work at his level of pace and to then understand the processes which are involved. I get that we need maths, but surely there is a more sophisticated way of doing it which should allow more one on one support and a generalised teaching of how the processes used help with achieving super quick answers. Practice makes perfect I guess but this takes it to a new extreme.
Secondly my other lecturer for Software Development seems to be super keen on throwing countless amounts of information about developing software that doesn’t really help with the practical precision of this issue within the confines of the program we use. It seems to be that both of these lessons could do with a different approach to engage and help the people that are in need of the help. If this continues, these two modules will be VERY hard to pass. Sigh.
Recently (and when I say recently I mean yesterday, I just want to sound an arse) a flatmate of mine has had their heart broken because of some guy’s “loss of feelings”. Let’s be honest now, there was no warning and he ended a relationship of five years because of this thought and it seems like there is a second meaning/motive. Either way that’s not really a discussion for here. Let’s put this in perspective of me;
As soon as I heard the news I was shocked, I saw how upset the girl was and it suddenly hit me, this is what my girlfriend would be like. It then made me realise I never want to be that guy, that dickhead who could break a girls heart so simply. I love my girlfriend and I would never want to hurt her in a million years – seeing someone hurt made me realise how much love I have. I’m such a sentimental bastard. I never want to cause any pain. My relationship is such a precious thing and we have been through a lot and are still really strong, this is such a good feeling. I don’t know why my reaction has been like this, but it has almost changed me so quickly.
No matter what, put all the petty things aside.
I was looking at holidays today for me and her and to be honest with you readers (for those of you that exist) I will marry this girl – and I will make her the happiest person alive and always protect her from pain. No matter what, always and forever.